Most of it is a remnant from my more awkward years. I never really had friends until I was about thirteen. Other children considered me a freak due to my interest in science---and in fairness to them, my vocabulary was fairly difficult to understand. I spent many of my school breaks hiding from bullies or pulling myself out of trash cans.

Eventually I made some wonderfully patient and kind friends, and with their help and our Ranger responsibilities binding us together, I was no longer a victim. You're right: I should be confident now, but most of my gains were well supported by my friends. I have new friends here, but no one can fill the gap they left.

There's also the age matter---I'm significantly younger than the rest of the officers and most of the department I supervise, and I suspect they distrust me on some level. They've more than likely had disastrous encounters with teenagers in the past. And no matter how much responsibility I've successfully handled, there's no substitute for life experience. In their shoes, I'm not sure that I would trust myself either.