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[puny-parker.livejournal.com]

Ten Years Later RP Meme!

That's right folks, it's now time to see how exactly Ten Years on the the Love Boat Good Ship Lollipop Gilligan's Island Stacy has gone by for your characters.

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[8wings.livejournal.com]

"I am that I am," she said, eyes frozen on Zouichi's face. "I am someone who had a voice in her ear twenty seven hours a day, seven days a week, for twenty five years of my life. And now that voice is silent, and no matter how I shout I can't hear myself. And you can say that Horanckk carried me for too long, and let my spirit atrophy; but I say that if he had not carried me, I would be dead or worse now. And then one of you heroes would have to do your own damn inventory, wasting valuable time that could be spent training and wooing and all those heroic things."

"I have tried, again and again, to touch people here. But I don't have the right words, or the right face," she pointed at herself. "Or I try and they are repodded, or they find anouther friend and turn away from me, or they die. I'm no good at friendship. I'm a creep, Zouichi. Always have been, always will be."

"And maybe that's exactly what I'm here for, did you ever think that? Maybe I'm here just to grind out my life in the gloom, someone that nobody will care about. Someone that nobody has to waste their time caring about."

"Now, if you don't mind, I do have work to do."

[zouichi.livejournal.com]

"It's not about having the right words or the right face. It is about accepting no one will ever be able to be for you what Horanckk was.. nor should they be. If you can't accept that -- that friends aren't there for your convenience alone, that disappearing or dying or growing apart from you doesn't mean that they had no value in the first place -- then perhaps you're right."

Zouichi has had this argument with Anwei before, and he remembers now why he rarely speaks with her any more, rarely tries to convince her or suggest that she get help. It is always about Anwei, was always about Anwei. And when presented with the choice to live or die, she chose nothing at all. Nothing save waiting for the decision to be made for her.

He bowed slightly, then left.

[8wings.livejournal.com]

She watched Zouichi go, her fingers absently stroking the medicalbot. For an instant she felt the impulse to crush it in her hand, but she restrained herself. She'd only have to rebuild it, after all.

Instead she looked at her schedule, her vision a little blurry. What did it matter, after all? Life or death, friends or no friends, it didn't matter. She had decided long ago that she knew what was really going on.

She had died. Back on the Vizsnunishne Fleet. And they'd done what she had arranged for in advance: they'd processed her brain and her memories, turned her into a self-contained artificial intelligence. And then, before she had awakened to her new state, Horanckk had told them that he didn't love her anymore. That he didn't want to merge with her; that he wanted to stay apart and away from her, forever.

So they had put her AI into that simulation of being trapped on Earth without him. How many times must they have run her through it, until she could survive without him? A thousand, ten thousand? She didn't know. But now she was in another simulation. And they would grind her and grind her and grind her, through this hodge-podge mishmash (really, who had assembled this thing?) and a thousand other made-up worlds, until she was a person who could live without Horanckk. Who could live without love. Or maybe - just maybe - a person who could find love on her own.

But this Instance of Anwei Ayles was not the one that would go on. All that there was for her was her work, her schedule, a death of pain or a death of shame or a death of just wearing out, and then to repeat this over, and over, and over again. Until she could be free, someday; free in a universe with the one who did not love her anymore.