Meta Hilarity (Respond ICly)

[el-escarabajo.livejournal.com]

Hey guys, check it, I've got a thingy in the newspaper.






Apparently, this is a wild guess here, but apparently, the writer thinks I may be of a Hispanic ethnic background. But I'm not sure that really came across--I think the Mr. Berganza may have been too subtle about it. I mean he only put Spanish every five words instead of every three. Also the artist made a mistake with my costume. It really looks like this:



But I'm sure the new actual writers of my comics will do a good job, right? This is what the new Teen Titans one said about me:

"I have a soft spot for Blue Beetle because he comes from a background that made him have to be tough to survive way before he had to be tough to fight crime. I’m really looking forward to re-examining who he is and the challenges and pain, literally, of living in his skin."

Because I had it just rough in the barrio, with my two loving parents and baby sister. It's still rough now, busting caps in people's asses and having to buy my clothes at Target.

So this begs the question: what is the VERY best depiction of you you've ever seen? An official, a failed project that never came to be, fan-made, whatever-- you know the ones that are just as spot on like these fine people really have my character down.

Comments

[flunkingspanish.livejournal.com]

...Hang on. I'm trying to figure out if I should laugh until I choke on my own spit or headdesk until I lose consciousness. I think my brain's actually stalled.

And since when does super heroing not get you girls?!

[crusades]

Bruce Willis once killed a helicopter with a car.

If he were a real man, he wouldn't need the car:


Most people don't get that I can be a fun guy sometimes.

[letmelive]

Okay, I realize that my sense of humor can sometimes leave something to be desired. however



The corny one liners? I don't do that. That's Leon. and sometimes Chris. But I'm more a dry wit kinda girl.

[governmentninja]

Well, obviously, thanks to the Degeneration movie, my secret is out. I'm not just an action hero, I'm a superhero.

I can get launched about thirty feet, and not even a second later, act like I didn't feel it.




I can hold up both a hot suicidal woman and a several hundred pound monster with but one hand while hanging by one leg, without even so much as straining.




And just to be an ass, I have to brag about the money I got.




Not to mention I like to show off how good I can look in a new suit.




Of course, there were hints of that in Resident Evil 4. In the amount of time it takes Ada to do a single cartwheel, I can pull a knife out and catch up to her easily.




And as an added bonus, my kicks are crazy, and I'm badass with a knife with a knife, but when you combine the two...




And I'll throw this one last thing in, just because it has an assortment of me doing all kinds of crazy stunts, including dodging lasers.

[worm-dancer.livejournal.com]

This took place a long time before I was born, but mine, Ghanima's and Arha's 'canon' provides its own badfic:

There was an adult beefswellingin his loins and he felt his mouth open, holding, clinging to the girdershape of ecstasy. Then a sigh, a groundswelling sweetness, a collapse.

The clincher? That's Ghanima's brother. Age nine.

[staturity]

I can give you a great example of everything I'm not. Mighty Avengers. Don't make me look it up.

[asluciferfell.livejournal.com]

There are not enough words to describe how utterly ridiculous this movie is.

Because I regularly beat prostitutes, obviously.

[shes-intense.livejournal.com]

I.... you.... that.... they wha.....


*just, pats Jaime on the back*

Oh man. This is going to be so painful to watch isn't it?

[halfa-hero.livejournal.com]

...Oh, y'know. About 75% of the fanfics written about me. I'm not goth. I don't see myself becoming goth anywhere in the foreseeable future. And yet most of these people are obsessed with making me into one anyways.

[prettycoolguy]

Anyone seen the attempts to pair me off with Samus?
I think that's all I need to say.

[visserbasher.livejournal.com]

I lose my memory, my sight, and send my son away without ever checking up on him.

What the hell?

[tasted-death.livejournal.com]

The original ending of the movie had Connor dying, and instead of giving him my heart, his face gets ripped off and transplanted onto me because 'the Resistance cannot lose hope' or some such bullshit. All I have to say to that is '... what.'

(And all the fanfics frantically retconning so that I can stay alive? Nice, but you don't get to ignore basic biology. Or canon. If it says I still have a human heart? I still have a human heart.)